Go Coach Yourself!

Finding, Connecting and Nurturing Your Leader Within

• Ryan Reichert-Estes, CPCC and Vic Smith, CPCC • Season 1 • Episode 13

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In this latest episode of Go Coach Yourself!, Vic and Ryan, two certified coaches, discuss 'finding, connecting, and nurturing your leader within.' They relate this episode to a previous one on 'saboteurs,' both central to the Co-Active method of coaching. They talk about how connecting with your leader within is essential for personal growth and building an incredible life. Through personal stories, tips and practical exercises they lay out a roadmap for you to find, connect with and nurture your own leader within.

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Hosts:

Ryan Reichert-Estes, StackRise Coaching | LinkedIn | Insta: @stackrisecoaching

Vic Smith, WhistleSmith.co | LinkedIn | Insta: @vic_bk

Vic:

Hey Ryan,

Ryan:

Hey,

Vic:

I'm a little concerned about today's episode.

Ryan:

why

Vic:

Well, sometimes when I talk about this topic it can sound like I've got voices in my head.

Ryan:

do you have voices in your head?

Vic:

Yeah, is that a problem?

Ryan:

Welcome to another episode of Go Coach Yourself, a podcast to help you get unfucked and build the incredible life you deserve. We're Vic and Ryan, two certified coaches trying to change the world one conversation at a time. So what are we talking about today?

Vic:

we're talking about how do you find, connect and nurture your leader within.

Ryan:

Um, amazing. And I want to share that this can be listened to alongside our saboteurs episode together. These are dynamite. Both of these concepts are central to the Coactive Method, the coaching practice that we both use. And while they're not exclusive to CTI or the Coactive Training Institute, they are both really great coaching tools. I would also say that if there was ever a way to get yourself unfucked and build an incredible life, your leader within is like the number one, right at the top of the list, without a doubt, world class cheat code for life.

Vic:

Yes, 100%. This, along with the saboteur episode, is certainly a foundation I would point everyone to every single time.

Ryan:

Yeah. Couldn't agree more. Couldn't agree more. So Vic, uh, tell us a little bit about the leader within and why it's important for everybody to get on the same page.

Vic:

Our leader within is that best expression of us. It's us at our best, standing in our power, wind in our hair, rooted, stable, and ready for everything.

Ryan:

Wind in your hair. I like, despite not having hair, I can feel that. But

Vic:

Ha ha ha, yes!

Ryan:

this kind of sounds like your leader within.

Vic:

Ha ha ha, yeah! It is, sorry about that, sorry about that, got a little carried away, yeah, yeah, yeah, little carried away. All true though, I think your leader within is you, your best self at your core. Authentically you, without any bullshit, strong and true. What do you think?

Ryan:

Yeah, I I think you're right for sure. Um you know the way that I would that I would put it and this one's for my fellow raised on the 1980s in the U. S. cartoon kids out there to me, an example of Your Leader Within would be Voltron, or think Captain Planet, or a good old Care Bear Stare. It is a collection of everything that is the best about you, coming together as a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts, and simply kicking ass to save the world in the name of good.

Vic:

Kicking ass to save the world in the name of good. I love that! Uh, I would also love to share what CTI says about the leader within. It really resonates with me. Um, can I read it?

Ryan:

Yeah, please.

Vic:

All right. Quote, quote, your leader within is your inner authority who leads by example, standing in full acceptance and claiming full self authority of your life's journey. Your leader within is both an expression of who you are now and who you are becoming. They are the chooser within you who knows how to make life affirming choices that lead you to the fullest expression of your life purpose and values in every aspect of your life. And I love the following in this. I love inner authority, full self acceptance, who you are now and who you are becoming. I love this life affirming piece and the fullest expression. Oh, so powerful. This is who we are at our best, at our core, nothing held back, nothing in our way.

Ryan:

Yeah, I love all those parts that you detailed out there as well. And the beauty of that it's grounded in now, while also being aspirational. Like, ugh, that's just so good.

Vic:

so good.

Ryan:

Okay, so next let's share how people can tap into their leader within, because I imagine at this point for our listeners they're thinking, okay great, but how do I do this?

Vic:

Yeah.

Ryan:

So as a quick aside before we start though, we want to recognize that if you're listening and you already know your leader within, you've got a connection with them, you're maybe on a first name basis or tapping into them all the time. If this is you, that's great. Adapt the exercises that we're sharing and the tools to deepen your awareness. Get reacquainted or validate what you've already created. Finding and getting to know your leader within can take time. And we're going to give you a place to start with a couple of those exercises today. The first one that we're sharing comes directly from CTI and centers around the question, who are you when you give yourself full permission and to repeat that. Who are you when you give yourself full permission? That's a big question and it can feel pretty loaded. Um, you might not know where to begin to answer this question and you might not have answers just like flowing out of your heart, mind, and soul like Care Bear Stare. But wherever you are, there is something in this question that can help you start to develop this idea of a leader within. There is a workbook that CTI has developed, and we'll link that in the show notes for you, that has three different ways that you can begin to explore that question. So we'll share those here. The first option is 10 minutes of timed writing. This is a great way to tap into your inner thoughts without feeling that pressure of getting it right, or having to edit it as it comes out, or maybe feeling judged by somebody if you're sharing it out loud. So, with this one, find a spot to sit, grab a pen and a notebook, and a timer. To start, answer the question. Who are you when you give yourself full permission and just write continuously for the 10 minutes? When your time's up, review everything that you wrote and highlight or pick out any phrases or words that resonate with you. The way that I really like to think about this is like picturing which of the words you can actually see written or imagine written in neon lights.

Vic:

I love that. Okay. And for people that haven't done that before, this like, writing continuously, it's so freeing. Option two here is you can find a partner and work with them on this. Sometimes we can go deeper when we're in proximity to someone that we trust and value. Find someone. Who fits that bill that you trust and value and ask them to be your witness in this exercise. And here's how you're going to do it. You're going to set a timer for two minutes and then your partner is going to ask you who are you when you give yourself full permission and you're just going to talk uninterrupted for two minutes. They're just going to listen. You're going to talk when the time is up. Your partner is simply going to say, thank you. And then they're going to ask you the same question again. Who are you when you give yourself full permission? You're going to set the timer and you're going to answer again uninterrupted for two minutes. When that time is up, your partner is once again going to say thank you and then they're going to ask you the same question. You're going to do this five times in total. So that you have 10 minutes to speak out loud and uninterrupted the answer to the question, Who are you when you give yourself full permission? Now following this, you're going to highlight what you've learned about yourself. What were the key words, phrases and concepts that you want to explore more? And your partner can help you with this. I heard you say. This phrase or word every single time in every two minute segment. This isn't about your partner processing what you've said. This isn't a coaching session. This is literally you being able to say it out loud and then capture the highlights, the themes, the concepts, the phrases that you've discussed.

Ryan:

Like that is, that is a really powerful way to do this as well because you're getting kind of that mirror from the other person, which is great because we don't see the things that other people see. And then like you just described it, how you would do it for yourself, but then use it as an opportunity to go both ways. Like what a gift then that you could actually give somebody back. I, uh, that's so cool. So, the third option then is also 10 minutes, and this is a 10 minute meditation on that question, who are you when you give yourself full permission? You'll notice that we've said this question probably like a dozen times at this point, so hopefully you're getting inspired even and thinking of the answer for yourself. But, in the meditation example, what you'll do is find a quiet spot. Light a candle, set some music, get into kind of the zone that you might to reflect quietly and spend 10 minutes just thinking about that question. When the 10 minutes is up, capture any of the things that you felt in your body, in your mind, like what came up for you? What are the feelings that you want to remember and explore more? What I really love then about the three different like ways of doing this activity is that they're all great starting points to go on that leader within journey and Your leader within is who you are when you are in full permission and these exercises will help you start to uncover that

Vic:

Yeah. I love all of those. And if I could build on that last one, I'd like to offer a fourth option, and that's a guided meditation, or some might call this a visualization. Now, sometimes when we say meditation, if you don't practice meditation, it can feel or sound a bit woo woo. However, in this instance I find and clients have found that it works really well. And so a guided meditation is where you find a quiet comfortable space. You grab a pen and a journal and you're guided through a reflection exercise. So guided meditation or visualization is different to individual meditation in that you listen to a voice. versus sitting quietly. In the exercise before, you're sitting quietly and you're seeing what happens, what comes to you. In the guided meditation, you're taken through an experience that points you in a direction and sets up space for you to tap into something specific, specific thoughts or feelings here, namely your leader within. Now, Ryan, I think you've got a great guided meditation here on finding your leader within.

Ryan:

I

Vic:

Yes I do and we will link

Ryan:

to it in the show notes. It's actually one that I've used with clients, uh, that a coach has used with me. And the best part is that you get to enjoy my voice just a little bit more. I'm no Andy Puddicombe, but one listener commented that my voice is like, honey, true story.

Vic:

it is. It is. It totally is. It's like horny. Yes.

Ryan:

But joking aside, um, I really, I really do enjoy taking folks through these exercises. So yeah, we'll, uh, we'll link that up in the show notes.

Vic:

You get to hear Ryan's dulcet tones. All right, so once you've spent some time answering the question, Who are you when you give yourself full permission? And tapping into your best self, it's time to start shaping what you've captured into something firmer and Something you can call on when you're in doubt or a saboteur is in play and we covered saboteurs in last week's episode so be sure to check that out if you haven't done already because it's the perfect partner to this one. So we need to both solidify who or what is your leader within but also how can you easily call on them? When you need to. This feels like it might be a good time to share a little bit about our own leader within and how we found them. Ryan, do you want to start?

Ryan:

I would love to, yeah. So, uh, and just as a quick note that we may edit out of this, like I'm super excited to record this. Because like I've told this story to other people and people are like, why haven't you written that down? Why haven't you recorded that and shared that? So, okay.

Vic:

Here it is right

Ryan:

Here it is. So, my leader within is a Cairn, or specifically what I call my Camino Cairn. If that term isn't familiar, and I'm saying Cairn, C A I R N, not Karen, A cairn is a human made stack of stones typically used as a trail marker. So, and this is actually the symbol that I use as part of my logo for StackRise coaching, and it's what inspired the name StackRise in the first place. So, in a way, I've essentially put my leader within front and center for myself and made it very accessible to me. But why a cairn? So, um, I'll share the story about that. Uh, back in 2007, I hiked the Camino de Santiago, which is a 700 kilometer pilgrimage across northern Spain. I walked on the so called French Way, which is probably the one that most people think of when they think of the Camino. It goes from Saint Jean Pied de Port in France to Santiago de Compostela in Spain. Uh, I actually started in Pamplona because the mountains were very snowy that year and I didn't want to lose my life. But, uh, this adventure ultimately was just one of those, I just want to see if I can do it moments. And honestly, it's turned into one of the most remarkable journeys. of self discovery and learning that I still tap into for insights even 17 years later. So on my Camino, I walked for 30 days from Pamplona to Santiago and crossing Spain, you go through all sorts of different terrains, mountains, plains, forests, and more, while all the time connecting the dots from village to village to tiny town and a few larger cities. While most of the Camino is very rural and picturesque, some of the lengths that you go through are in more urban areas, or even track right alongside a highway. So not super pretty, necessarily. Um, and I think it's really easy in a certain mindset to think of these as quote unquote not very nice. Uh, but, I think this is also one of the great lessons that you gain on the Camino, is really starting to see beauty in some of these unexpected places. Alright, so picture me walking, it's my sixth day, I am coming out of Legroño, which is a big city, it's the capital of Rioja, and I'm on one of these less than stunning stretches, pacing a highway for a little while outside the city. I was on my own that day, and at some point, the path starts to wind through some hills further off the road, surrounded by all of these acres of grapevines. And so as I started coming into this area, there were a lot of rocks that I could see scattered about. And I'm imagining that as people were plowing up the farmland, they were removing them and like tossing them, tossing them away. And amongst these rocks on the side of the trail, I see a cairn, like just one. And honestly, this was a pretty common thing. Pilgrims will build cairns all along the Camino just as like little markers to help people find the way. But then I started really focusing my attention on like what was around me and I looked ahead and I could see all those rocks that I mentioned scattered about. But what I hadn't realized was that it wasn't just one cairn on the path. There were literally hundreds of them. All along the hillside, I mean, they were just everywhere. And as you can imagine, this took me totally by surprise. And it is an experience that is like seared into my memory because of the impact that it had. At that moment, when I was walking on my own. I suddenly realized I wasn't alone anymore. I could imagine every single person who had come through and left a small token of their existence adding a stone to a cairn or starting a new one. And that idea just simply floored me. It has been one of those things, one of those experiences that continues to create this sense of hope and belonging for me. I think of all the people who were on the Camino before me and all the people that would come after. And there was this really amazing sense of connection, and knowing that it was alright, and that collectively, we were doing this thing together. It's so good.

Vic:

so good.

Ryan:

So, the cairn has continued to become a super important symbol for me then. Uh, it creates connection and strength, and is this like undeniable message for me that I'm on the right path. and that I have everything that I need, and that I can do hard things, just like the Camino. It's a reminder for me that things take time to build. It keeps me balanced, knowing that each stone stacked up, you know, sits in just a way to stay put, but that one of them can fall off, or the whole thing can be toppled over, but then it can be rebuilt in a new way. It symbolizes the importance of both leadership and followership. For me, this idea of knowing that we have to mark the way for others and to also look for those markers and make sure that we're adding our own contributions. Ultimately, the impact then that we can have ripples so much further beyond ourselves. So when I need that inner strength or reassurance from my leader within, I imagine the Cairn or my Camino Cairn and all of the meaning that it's got for me.

Vic:

Wow. I mean, that's like, I obviously, this doesn't happen to me often. I am like, I'm just speechless. Like the power in the, in the retelling of that story, I can, I can feel that strength. You know, I can feel that moment for you, the emotion that comes with it and the power Recalling

Ryan:

Hmm.

Vic:

that as your leader within, it's blown my mind. It's totally blown my mind.

Ryan:

I love it.

Vic:

for sharing That

Ryan:

Yeah. Thank you for giving me the space to finally record it. So, so what about you, Vic? Tell us about your leader within.

Vic:

So I think I found my leader within decades ago. I'm not sure there was one single event that brought her out. However, I just remember her not being there when I was 20 and then her being there when I was 21. And I don't think it was until much later that I started to work with her and give her a name and work out like how to call on her. And so my leader within is Captain Vic and this is because she rights my ship. If I'm too much or too little of anything, so if I'm playing too small or I'm too much in my head, she like pushes her way to the front. She stands on the tippy tip of the bow of the ship and she steers. Just out there, Wind in her hair, hands on her hips, just like strong and true. And I first remember encountering her, maybe I was like 21, and I found myself in a relationship that just wasn't serving me. It was this like repeating cycle of amazing, followed by crap, followed by great, followed by shit. And I just couldn't seem to get myself out of it. You know, like when you're in that just constant grind of, you're just on this merry go round that never seems to stop. And I remember thinking, how do I activate the part of me that doesn't care that I love this person, but it's the part of me that loves me more than this cycle of doom. So the part that's bigger and better and stronger than this crap. And somehow Captain Vic came into focus. I didn't have any idea then about leader within or your inner guide or your truest self. Like I just needed to be the one that broke this cycle. And I needed to dig like super deep to find the courage. And so that's what I did. And from that point. I called on this part of me for many, many things. I had a career pivot when I was 24. It was really hard. I really wanted to take the easy road. Judy was there then, by the way. She was like, nah, you don't want to do that. Stay here. It's easier. But Captain Vic guided me through. Um, I fell in love with Jacq while I was engaged to be married to someone else. And it would have been so easy to say, nah, you've chosen this path, stick with it. But I didn't. Captain Vic helped me come through that with love for myself, with care for the situation, but also integrity. And so I didn't leave to be with Jacq. I left because that situation was no longer right for me. I spent some time on my own. And then I went to see if this thing with Jacq was worth something. Side note, at the time that I did that, I didn't know if Jacq felt the same way about me. Spoiler alert they did. When I started my graduate degree in 20 19, 1 of the first modules had us looking at the various parts of ourselves when they show up. What do they do when they show up? Why do they show up? What do they need? And also, like, how do you help them feel seen and heard and then go back to where they came from? And during this, Captain Vic started to come into full focus. And I started to play around with how I summon her. Like, That sounded like a witch then, didn't it? How I summon her. Um, but you know, kind of like how I access her, how I tap in, um, and so I was able to, to get to know her a bit more and to flesh her out and to like, kind of really dig into her. And I, at that point, hadn't given her her name. I kind of like this idea of, of her being in charge. But then when we went through the co active training with CTI, that helped me actually through a guided meditation. It helped me really get clear and I was able to see her and give her this name of Captain Vic to really bring her into focus. And one of the things about her is that I see her. Standing tall, wind in her hair, like, we have this, this kind of joke, but I can visualize her, and every time I visualize her, she has her hands on her hips. It's almost this, like, superhero pose. And so, when I need to access her, if she's not right there immediately, What I do is like, I'll take my hands, I'm doing it right now, and I'll put them on my hips or even just one of them. Um, like if I'm sitting down or if I'm standing up, I'll just like rest one there and it just helps to bring her to the front and to embody her in a, in a way that brings this strength.

Ryan:

Thank you for sharing that story. Like, The moment that you introduced Captain Vic in our class, and there was that. Undeniable, like, of course, like, and like, even knowing you for years before that, I'm like, oh, hell yes, like, that is totally who that is. And it didn't, it hadn't really occurred to me that she had been around this entire time, so like, it's so cool to hear how even without having like a super clear name until later. Just the sense and the feeling and the embodiment that you talked about like Same as what you said about my Cairn like I can feel it

Vic:

Yeah.

Ryan:

That's so powerful

Vic:

And that's how it should be. Like when you find your lead within, like the passion that you and I have in our voices as we talk about it, that's what it should feel like. And if it doesn't, I would urge you to dig deeper because it's there. You've just gotta move the pieces aside to get to it.

Ryan:

so true so true it's just like purpose in that way It's there like you just you have to find it and you have to keep digging And in that I want to emphasize like the time that it took for both of us to flesh out this idea of our leader within, to give them names. I mean, and mine doesn't have a name like Vic's. Like it's not, it's not Captain Ryan or like, like Super Cairn. It's just, it's a, it's a symbol and it has a meaning to it. Um, but they've got personality. They've got images that come to mind. Like your Captain Vic and my Camino Cairn are locked in.

Vic:

Yes.

Ryan:

We know who they are. We know what they look like and we know how they feel and how to tap into them. I think it's really worth, you know, mentioning here too, that while tapping into your leader within, you may come across some allies and when I say allies, these are your leader within supporting cast. They come from a place of wanting what is best for you. They each have their own uses, and they're different, and yet they are the thing that you'll need in the moment that they show up when you need it. It'll be different for each of us, and sometimes that leader within, in the zen like brilliance that we just shared, is not necessarily the thought process or the thing that you need. So again, I reiterate 1980s cartoons like whoever was doing those clearly wanted my generation to remember this concept Yeah

Vic:

You know I like to think of them as back up singers, right? So like if, if your leader within is the band's lead singer, your allies are the backing singers or, um, they're the Luigi, Yoshi, Toad and Princess Peach to your Super Mario. Um. Like, I have a warrior who I tap into when I'm not sure if I can do it or not. I've got a cheerleader for when I need an extra little bit of pep. I've got a nurturer who I tap into when I need a little bit of TLC. And, you know, I've also got an ass kicker who just gets shit done. And I drew an image of this. It's like so naff and rudimentary and yeah, I also love it so hard. I'll just like put myself out there and I will include it in the show notes so that you can see like it doesn't have to be locked in and kind of tight. It can take whatever form you want it to. Um, but I'll do that. I'll, I'll share mine. I'll share my rudimentary image with you all. Uh, no judgment, please. Ryan, tell us about your allies.

Ryan:

And I'm just gonna edit the word rudimentary out, like, crossing that off. Cause your image is amazing. Like, it is, it is beautiful and like just filled with joy. And when I look at it, it makes me think of you and just smile. So, um, having, uh, having done that activity together through our training, uh, I'll, I'll include mine as well. Um, and my leader within has allies that are, for me, all built out of this concept of exploration and, you know, exploring the world and trying new things. I will often, like, refer to, like, my backpack of things, but the ones that are kind of front and center are, uh, a sense of wonder and adventure. And so both from the Camino experience, but then also spending some time in Joshua Tree National Park, like this is, this is the one that helps me feel connected to something bigger. The second one that I have called out is fierce courage. And so this is when I need to boldly take action without fear, exploring the dark caves and just like figuring it out. Very Indiana Jones esque, if that's a word.

Vic:

It is now.

Ryan:

I've got my appreciator, and so this is, uh, the ally that helps me appreciate unusual beauty and to take note in the small details in life that have a big impact. And finally, the meta view is, you know, me envisioning myself in a hot air balloon so that I can, like, get the big picture and see everything all at once.

Vic:

I love these and, one of the things that I love about this is that mine and yours are really different and yet so us.

Ryan:

Mm, yep.

Vic:

Okay, you know, oh my god, I totally love that.

Ryan:

Me too.

Vic:

Alright, so before we close out with our tips, should we just spend a minute or two helping listeners with ways that they can access the leader within? And so, Ryan, what examples have you seen for accessing the leader within?

Ryan:

Yeah, so a couple that come to mind, mine is, uh, I think easy one because it's super literal. Uh, you can do what I did, like make it part of something like your business or like a brand. Um, I've literally built my entire coaching practice around my leader within. Uh, I've seen people who similarly will use objects. Uh, so like a pair of earrings as an example to tap into something that they can hold. And in that case, it's Not even just hold it, but like to actually try it on and put it on. And then the third one that came to mind was, clients that use pictures with which they might hang in their space, put on their monitor, or like even uses like a phone or a desktop background so that that visual is just always there or just kind of in the background and helping them stay connected.

Vic:

Yeah, I love those and I've seen, um, a leader within as a glove that extends up to the elbow and to access it. The person makes the motion of putting on a glove. I've seen the leader within, um, being tapped into by touching a tattoo or a part of the body, being accessed with a deep breath. I think there's just so many ways to do this. And as a coach, when you take someone through this process, the process of identifying the leader within and what their method is for tapping into it, it can be quite random. You know, it's about the feeling and tying to that feeling in the moment, whether that be with a movement, a gesture, a breath, or a thought.

Ryan:

Yeah, I mean, but there's a creativity and like a playfulness to this kind of work that honestly can be really game changing, I think, for folks. Um, and you know, it's worth saying here that if you're looking to work with a coach.

Vic:

Both Ryan and I are coaches, by the way, just saying,

Ryan:

Yes. So if you are looking to work with a coach, uh, leader within and saboteurs, which we highlighted in last week's episode are both concepts that are really central to CTI or co active coaching. Uh, that's a coach certified by CTI through the co active training Institute. We'll be able to help you with this or anybody else. That's a CTI trained coach can help you through that process.

Vic:

All right, let's get super clear on how to find, connect and nurture your leader within. Step one, spend some time answering the question, who are you when you give yourself full permission?

Ryan:

Step two, take part in the guided meditation or visualization we'll link to in the show notes.

Vic:

Step three, Take those notes, the finding, the observations and the revelations from those two exercises and then flesh out who or what your leader within is. Spend some time there, really dig in, connect with it, give it shape, give it a personality, a name, a picture, draw it out, have a bit of fun, get creative. Step 4

Ryan:

find your method for tapping into your leader within. Whether it's a movement, a gesture, a breath, or an item that connects you to that way of feeling, make sure that it's easy to bring your leader within to life.

Vic:

then finally, step five, when you've found your leader within, Take time to get to know them. Get familiar with them. Call on them frequently. Integrate them into your thinking process.

Ryan:

So that's us and our take on leader within. We hope you found some value here and we'll share this with others who are looking for that internal strength to live the incredible lives they deserve. We're Vic and Ryan and we want to thank you again for joining us on Go Coach Yourself. And as we'd say on the Camino, Buen Camino.

Vic:

Ahoy me mateys!

Ryan:

Oh, So good. Oh, so good. For me, your leader within is Voltron or Captain America. Not Captain America.

Vic:

No, I was like, hang on. Is that the same thing?

Ryan:

Not the same thing at all. No.

Vic:

I don't know what Captain Planet is. And so, yeah. I'm Googling it later.

Ryan:

He's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero.

Vic:

I love that. Yes.

People on this episode

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Ryan Reichert-Estes, CPCC

Co-host
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Vic Smith, CPCC

Co-host